Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
