my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
