i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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