so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
