therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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