the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
3 2 1 whiskey
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
