I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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