She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just had sex bonerless
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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