Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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