I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
