I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize