Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
