i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
