So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
