Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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