Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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