Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
