I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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