it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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