shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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