I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
