Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
