i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
