I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
