Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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