If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
