watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize