shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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