Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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