Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
