Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
