Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
