woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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