so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize