so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
