she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
