windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
