I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
