you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my poor anus
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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