also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
