New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just pee around me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
