trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
