Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize