i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
