You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
