I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
