Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
