I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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