i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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