...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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