Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He did a backflip because drugs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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