Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
