I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
