i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
