it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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