Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
