i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
