Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
