Will you blow on my dice?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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