So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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