I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
