Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
