i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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